


small futures

by distractionpie



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: (tbh I have no idea what to tag this one as), Baby, Discussion of Adoption, Established Relationship, Family, Light Angst, M/M, Married Life, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 05:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10655472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distractionpie/pseuds/distractionpie
Summary: Harry and Kitty's baby starts Joe to thinking about the future - David's response isn't what he expects.





	small futures

Joe had realised quite early on that Webster was a kids type of guy. It was hard to miss the way he'd coo over babies on the subway or in line at the store or when he walked past little kids playing, which had been a little concerning at first since Joe had given very little thought to the possibility of parenthood except through the lens of finding ways to make his mother drop the topic. But he also tried not to worry about things that he didn't have to worry about, so he’d let that little point of incompatibility go. Three years later they’d married and Webster had to have seen Joe’s lack of interest in children by that point and if he was willing to accept it then Joe wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

No, it was nearly two years later that the problem had started. 

A few weeks after Kitty’s texts complaining about looking like a house had been replaced by dozens of baby photos that all sort of looked like a blanket wrapped baked potato they’d been invited to visit. Joe, who hadn’t forgotten what the trip after the birth of their last kid three years ago was like, hadn’t been exactly excited to subject himself to several hours of Kitty being obviously exhausted and Harry’s proud beaming and declarations that he had the most gifted child ever to be born despite that fact that as far as Joe could tell infants didn’t do _anything_ interesting. Still, the point was to be supportive of their friends, and at least the first kid had reached an age of being vaguely entertaining no matter how many times Harry complained that fetch was a game to be played with dogs not children. 

He wasn’t surprised at all by David’s enthusiastic response to being offered the opportunity to hold the kid - who Kitty was still claiming would be called Katherine Jr, unsurprising since baby one had gone by Harry Welsh II for nearly eight weeks before they’d finally settled on Bobby as a name. 

Kitty had placed the baby in his arms, and of course David had needed no instruction on how to hold her, bracing her head and curling her up against his chest like it was the most natural thing in the world for him. 

Joe had been more interested in catching up with Harry, who was finally starting to break through the haze of baby-crazy that the new-born had brought with it and regaining his ability to have normal adult conversations about other topics. 

They end up staying for several hours and David doesn’t relinquish the baby even once until it is time to leave. Kitty directs him to lay her down in the playpen that’s set up in the corner of the room and Joe watches as he sets her down, fussing for a moment over the positioning of her. Once he has her settled, David starts to straighten but the baby, Kitty Jr, stretches upwards and grabs on to him and he immediately falls still. Joe has never before that moment spared a single thought to the idea of kids but the sight of that little hand gripping David's finger - tiny fingers curled just above his wedding ring - as David stares down at her with something that can only be called awe, fills Joe with a longing that he’d never expected of himself. 

The feeling lingers. Not just on the drive home but in the days after as Joe finds himself looking around their apartment and imagining what it might look like with another occupant. All his life he had thought of kids as invaders, an unwelcome intrusion on his lifestyle. Then again, he'd once thought of marriage as a trap and something that would tie him down in a boring life, and he'd certain come around to seeing the error in that assumption. Joe has never wanted random children intruding on his life, but now he thinks of the prospect of a family and it feels like a step forward - and not into a cage. 

He knows it's not a decision to be made idly and in the weeks that follow he makes a point of offering to visit his nieces and nephews, trying to gauge if he has the patience for the reality of kid; drops back in on Kitty and Harry and pretends not to notice their shocked stares when he offers to hold the baby, and he thinks of how that tiny weight feels in his arms and all of the heavy responsibilities that come with a life so fragile and new and dependant; he keeps waiting for the moment that he balks, that sense hits him and reminds him of all the reasons he's never wanted this, but it never comes. Barely two months after the thought first hits him he starts to look up adoption on the internet, reading up on the complexities of the process and all that it requires and carefully clearing his browser history after ever session. They'd meet the criteria, he thinks, and the waiting lists might be long but that just means time to prepare. 

He wants this. 

He and David have never discussed kids, Joe has established his lack of interest early and that had been the end of that, and it's one thing to change his mind but it's another to admit to it. It feels a little bit too much like being wrong for him to come right out at say it, so he starts to work in hints. He talks about their future, where they imagine themselves in five, ten, twenty years’ time, and David responds with career progression and idle vacation plans and the novel he'd like to write. Joe offers to babysit his sister's youngest at their place, does his best to show David that Joe doesn't fear kids like he used to, and that he sees how good David is with her and that he appreciates it, but David is almost pitying about the fact that Joe has had to 'deal with her' like Joe hadn't been the one to invite her. He's going to have to be upfront, he realises. Somewhere along the line he's made it so that David can't even imagine Joe with kids, has cut that element from every possible future he envisions for them, David can't see the hints because Joe has made the prospect unthinkable. 

He finally broaches the topic over dinner. 

“Do you think we should have kids?” he asks, too bluntly maybe, because David blanches. 

“I…” he lifts his glass, taking an inelegant gulp of wine. “Where did this come from? You aren’t interested in children.” 

“What, and a guy can’t change his mind?” Joe asks with a shrug. “I wouldn’t have said so before, but we’re getting older and… I dunno.”  David frowns, avoiding eye contact with Joe. “You don’t think we could handle it, do you?” Joe asks. He could understand a little hesitation of David’s part – Joe doesn’t have the best history with children and he knows his previous disinterest is a mark against him – but he wasn’t expecting an outright rejection of the idea. It’s not like he’s in any desperate hurry, he’d just wanted to make sure they were on the same page, not start filling out the forms over desert. 

“It’s not that simple,” David says. “Children need more than just handling. They need care and guidance and constant support. Is this really something you want now?” 

“I asked you a question first. Yes or no, David,” Joe says, leaning across the table. “It’s simple.” 

“If it’s that simple then why do you need me to say it?” David snaps. 

“Because maybe I wasn’t ready for a family once, but I’ve changed,” Joe says, “Now I want to know where _you_ stand.” 

"Why?” David demands, voice cracking. “I doesn’t matter what I _want_ \- we both know I'd make a terrible father!" 

“What?”

David truly believes that, Joe realises, watching as he runs shaking hands through his hair and avoids Joe's gaze. Joe might have had second and third thoughts about his own ability to parent before he'd finally embraced the idea, but he's never doubted for a moment that David would be a natural parent, doesn't know where David could have gotten the idea that he'd think otherwise. “You love kids,” he points out dumbly. 

"Love isn't enough," David shakes his head, and the words sound foreign and strange coming out of his mouth when in all the years Joe has known him he's been such a romantic optimist. "My parents loved me. And they wanted the best for me, but so much of what they did wrong was _because_ of that. How could I risk doing the same thing over again?" 

“But… you’re not like them,” Joe says, reaching over the table to clasp his hand. “Not in any way that matters. C’mon, literally every child you know adores you.” 

“It’s not the same. Other people’s kids, I only see them when they’re easy,” David points out. “It would be different with a kid that was sick or throwing a tantrum or I… Joe you’ve seen how I get with you when you interrupt my work and I,” he shakes his head again. “I wish I could say I’d be better with a child, but I’m not sure I would, and I remember what it was like to be thrown out of my father’s office as an irritation and I don’t want to do that to child.” 

“But you… you want them, right?” Joe asks. “If you weren’t worried about that, you’d want them?” 

David sighs. “Does it matter? I… I couldn’t take that risk. I don’t want them if it would turn me into my parents, if I’d make them turn out like…” 

…like David, Joe’s mind fills in for him, fighting his parents attempts to push him down a path he never wanted and constantly burdened with expectations he could never meet. How long has this wound been festering in David’s heart, Joe wonders, because it’s clear with every word that this is something that David has spent much thought on. “I always figured you would go for kids,” he confesses. “At some point or another. That if I changed my mind you’d be happy.” 

“Oh,” David says, looking lost. “I… do you want that? Someone who could have kids with you…” David trails off and the hurt look on his face hits Joe like a slap. 

“Don’t start be fucking stupid!” Joe releases David’s hands and pushes his chair back with a noisy scrape, moving around the table until he can lean down and wrap his arms around David, holding him close against his chest. 

“Joe?” David’s voice is muffled and uncertain. 

“Fuck,” Joe mutters, pressing his face into David’s hair. “Fuck you, I love you. And don’t you dare say that’s not enough.” 

“But if you’re thinking about kids-,” David starts, and Joe squeezes him tighter. 

“I was thinking about a family with _you_ ,” he corrects. Every dream he’s had of children, they’ve been held in David’s arms. “You know that’s the only way I’d want it.” 

"I want..." Joe doesn't hear what David wants, the words a muffled against his shirt, but before he can ask, David lifts his head a little and says, "I'm sorry." 

Joe shakes his head. "You've got nothing to be sorry for." 

"I shouldn't have lost my temper," says David. "I just wasn't expecting that subject from you and I... you were right. But... sometimes what people want and what is best aren't the same." 

"Oh, Web..." Joe rubs circles against David’s back until he can feel his shoulders relax, then he ducks down to whisper in his ear, “Hey,” he says carefully. “How would you feel about a puppy?” 


End file.
